December 6, 2009
My phone was ringing right before I took this photo, but I couldn’t find. STORY OF MY LIFE. (Oh hello, old lip ring! This was January 2007.)
First, in my family, we have a saying about the “10 minute job.” This is anything my step-father says will take 10 minutes that you find him doing eight hours later because it required more tools/supplies/hard labor than originally anticipated. The extreme example is trying to change an outlet only to discover that the wiring in the whole house needs to be replaced and it’s only due to the hand of G-d that it hasn’t set itself on fire already.
Second, there is a phenomenon that I like to refer to as Sonja’s Law. Sonja’s Law states simply: If something STUPID can happen, it will happen to me.
I have incredibly bad luck for stupid things. Not tragedies, nothing particularly AWFUL happens to me – just every little snag in life, yeah, they all hit me. Combined with my 3 super powers – the abilities to get lost anywhere, lose anything, and break anything – I spend most of my life trying to stay out of my own way. I’ve developed a possibly dangerous nonchalance to having dumb stuff happen to me. Having to wait an extra day for a prescription because it was accidentally called in to a pharmacy in another state… needing a new battery in my car not two months after taking possession of said car which worked fine previously… every single time I go to visit my parents, a package is prepared the next day of the various crap that I left behind – no matter HOW HARD I check to see if I left anything.
So, to document. The “10 minute job” of the “Five minute” install.
Hour one: Configure my domain host to be able to host wordpress. In theory. And of course, all of this started because I found a beautiful theme that I’m in love with – and I really want a new design really badly. So badly that I have considered paying an actual designer. I still might. So. Try to configure the domain to host wordpress.
Hour two: I have no idea. The whole thing is a haze involving reading and re-reading the instructions, wondering where I went wrong, and remaining firm in my belief that “SQL” stands for “SQUIRREL.” Becoming exasperated that this SAID it would take five minutes, which I figured translated to half an hour, but still… two hours? Sigh loudly. Say something to Nuno, who offers to fix it.
Hours three – infinity: Nuno tries to fix it. Grumbles that there must be an easier way. Wonders aloud if I can be trusted with this much technology.
Hour fourteen: I get up in the morning and check out Nuno’s handiwork. Nothing actually works. I feel so guilty about the amount of effort that he’s put in that I see if I can fix it.
This is where you start laughing. Me? I think *I* can fix this? I am like the King Midas of Crap where this kind of thing is concerned. I shouldn’t be touching it in the first place! THIS IS WHY I CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS!
Hour sixteen: Nuno wakes up and asks how I like the blog. I gently explain that it didn’t work and i tried to fix it. He asks “Did you delete anything?” I say “I don’t THINK so…” Turns out, I did. A lot. Nuno washes his hands of it and declares that I probably *shouldn’t* have access to technology more complicated than, say, Twitter. He may be right.
Hour nineteen: I chat with some friends who have greater internet-fu than my own and get some opinions that this is probably a DNS error. (Discount Nut Supply? I don’t even know what that IS.) A friend who can install WordPress in her sleep offers to try and help when she has some free time in the evening.
Hour twenty four – twenty six: Lis starts trying to work on the DNS problems. Narrows down the issue to the host server, that this wasn’t something I COULD have done, even accidentally. Puts in a claim ticket. Claim ticket will take up to 24 hours to process. At this time, I need to be asleep within two hours and will then be at work, so it may well be 24 hours before I have a chance to touch it anyhow. At which point, we’ll be back at square one.
Pray for this blog, friends, that it survives my efforts to improve it.